Dear F, (8)

Thank you. Thank you for ending it with me. I mean it. I’m not bitter. I’m not hateful. In fact I’m joyous. Happy. Excited. I’ve never felt so positive about things and I owe that to you, so thank you. 

I haven’t felt like me in years. I don’t know when I stopped being me but it’s been far too long. The girl you were with when you was with me was only half the real me. The girl that was excited at times. The girl who was a bit eccentric. The girl who maybe laughed that little bit too loud. That was the real me. And my goodness has she resurfaced in the past month and a bit. 

I have done so much that I wouldn’t have done before; I’m meeting new people, I’m going to places I would never normally go, I’ve started following my dreams and likes, I’ve been sociable, I’ve been smiling and I’ve been laughing. I’m starting to see there’s so much more to life. 

I am growing in to myself at long last. I’m burning bridges with my past faster than I ever have before. What’s happened in the past is staying there now. I’m not allowing it to affect me in the present. I don’t deserve the unhappiness. The stress. The worry. And those around me don’t deserve to feel it either. I’m sorry you had to. 

I hope you’re doing well F. I hope you’re exploring new avenues, doing things you’ve wanted to do. Embracing your new home. I hope your happy. And I mean that.

You said to me not so long ago that we weren’t right together. And you were right. In this present day we really can’t be together. We’re not good for one another and I think we both have so much growing up to do. I’m not ready for a relationship. I don’t want the commitment. I don’t want the compromise. I’ve lived my life too much pleasing others and putting them before my own needs. But for the next few months I’m doing my own needs. Following my goals. Trying new things. Being free. Finally learning who I am. 

Just because we’re not right now, doesn’t mean I never loved you. I did so much. And still do, F. I still see a future with you down the long line. I still picture us married and taking the kids to see the O’s. I want all that still. But not now or a long, long time. You’re the only one I  saw that with. 

But F, here’s to having fun. Doing what we want, when we want and how we want. Here’s to us both being happy. 

This will be my last letter to you for a while. I’ve not got anything else to send you except my best wishes. I really wish you well bub. 

Until soon. 

Siggy x

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I hope you like your pictures facing down

In honour of their 10th year anniversary of their album A lessons in Romantics, and that fact that I am off to that tour next week with the Bestie, I thought it appropriate to post one of the songs from that album: If you wanted a song written about you, all you had to do was ask. 

Such a long winded title but it’s a good song and one I remember singing to when I was 14. I have recently got back in to listening to this album. I mean it is always one I keep going back to but more so the past few weeks.
Why this song in particular? I don’t know, I was walking from the station the other night to my car, and for some reason my brain really started listening to this song in my headphones and listening intently to the lyrics more so than I did to the other songs on my journey home. Since then, I have been humming it non stop and keep listening to it so, now it’s your turn to give it a listen and get it stuck in your head!

Enjoy!

Not Quite Made Girl

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Hit the reset, I’m starting again

I have returned! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I apologise for that. There has been a serve lack of postings, whether it be Progress Updates, Dear F (YAWN!), Tunes or even Reviews. I am sorry, but worry no more, for I am back with a post. I’ll leave it up to you whether you think it is interesting or not.

So here’s my sorry excuse as to my lack of posts: I kind of lost all faith in my blog. I started to doubt my ability to write and how little my blog got read. Yes I boycotted Mad to Made Girl for a week before I told myself to snap out of it and stop being so self absorbed. I never started this blog with the intention for people to read it, I only ever wanted a place where I could write my thoughts and opinions without anyone really knowing who I was and without judgement. It was a space for me to rationalise my thoughts. To think things over. Anonymously. But how lucky am I, I have got followers, I have got people viewing it. It doesn’t matter that it might only be 2 or 3, that’s more than I ever expected and I am grateful for that. So with this kick up the bum to pull myself together, I am back here with a new post.  Continue reading “Hit the reset, I’m starting again”

Don’t be another empty vessel, free your mind

I am surprised I haven’t put Rationale as my tune of the week before now! I have seen him umpteen times and he never gets old. His voice, and his sincere love for his fans is enough to be a fan of him, but when he adds in his killer dance moves, you can’t help but fall for him and his music.

I have chosen this song in particular: Vessels because I love watching him perform this song live. The way he moves his body at the drop and change of the beat. The way he pitches his voice is incredible. I love the music, the whole feel of this song. It really is so unique.

 

Not Quite Made Girl

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Progress Update 104

Well howdy there y’all! Have I got an update for you or what?! I was a bit ant in the pants ish all day yesterday, in anticipation of how my actions and decisions yesterday would affect how this progress update blog would go. It was going to be either all doom and gloom (I know, I know, I have had enough of the misery and the sadness too!) or everything is coming up roses kind of blog. And guess what it is… (drum roll please…) COMING UP ROSES! 🌹🌹🌹

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Source: http://gph.is/1hegH2I

Continue reading “Progress Update 104”

Over it 🎸

Song of the week: Over it – This Wild Life

The second time and in a row that This Wild Life have appeared on my tunes, but I’m addicted to them. I’ve been listening to them non stop. All their songs just seem so relevant, and real.

This song really sits with me because I’m over it. At last I’m over it. Yes, F, I’m done with that whole situation. I’m moving on, I’m starting to feel again, starting to heal. And as the song says, he took me for granted and I learned a lesson: I was at my worse when I was with him.

 

Not Quite Made Girl

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My Skin’s Smothering Me

Some days you just wake up and know it is going to be a weird day, and today that was one of those for me.
I got very little sleep the previous night. I wasn’t worrying about anything or too hot or uncomfortable, I just couldn’t drop off.
This morning came far too soon and my alarm was bleeping at me to get up before I knew it.

Today was the day of my hospital visit. For those that read my blog often, you will know that in my first progress update, I mentioned that I booked a Doctor’s appointment for three week times (that was the soonest I could get one) because I finally came to the realisation that I wasn’t alright. I struggled with my self image and with food. Doc was great and listened away to me far longer than he needed to and he understood. The most important thing for him to do first was to ensure that my eating disorders hadn’t damaged me physically and then his next priority is to deal with me mentally and see what help I can get for that. He has referred me to Talking Therapies again, so I will try that path once more now I know what I need to sort out.

Continue reading “My Skin’s Smothering Me”

Dear F, (7)

It’s amazing how much can change in three weeks. How quick the emotions can change and how the person you think you fell in love with can turn and show their ‘real colours’.

I was coming to terms with the break up quite well the past week and a half or so. I was feeling perkier and more positive. I believed you still cared and still respected me. You still called me baby. You kept sending me messages. You put kisses at the end of some messages. But I now know why you did all that: to get me back in to bed. And it worked.

Continue reading “Dear F, (7)”

I See You 

(source: I See You)

**May contain a very small amount of spoilers but they won’t ruin the book** 

Wow, wow, wow! Now I have never done a book review on the blog before, but this one truly deserves a chance in the spotlight and for so many of you to experience reading it, because I promise you, it will have you on the edge of your seat, eagerly fingering at the pages in anticipation of turning the page.

Continue reading “I See You “

I’m at the edge of the world

This acoustic version of Bring Me The Horizon’s – Sleepwalking, by The Wild Life, is simply charming. It really brings a different emotion to the song.
Check it out:

The Wild Life – Sleepwalking

Not Quite Made Girl

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The Wild Life