I would say I hate talking about myself and although I have blog where I write down my feelings and thoughts, I really don’t like talking about myself especially in terms of what I think I do well and the positives about myself. I am more often than not ready to be critical about myself. So the fact that two thirds of this title is do with the negatives I think I can just about cope with writing it 😉
The good? Hum. Urm. I have a pretty decent nose. Most people detest their noses but I think that’s the only thing I really like about myself. It is is kinda small and cute and suits a nose piercing.
No, I know that isn’t what it was asking when writing about the good about myself. I just find it so difficult to think of the good.
I think the one thing I do pride myself in is that I will always bend over backwards for those around me. I will always be there for them in times of need even if I am struggling myself. No favour is too big for my friends to ask me. If they need me I will be there in a heartbeat.
I wear my heart on my sleeve. This can be considered both good and bad I suppose. It is good to some extent as everyone will always know where they stand with me. They will always know exactly how I feel about them. With F, he knows just how much I love him. I will always do little things to make sure he knows just how much I love him. I once left him a letter hidden in his drawer for when he got home from work. If he is having a bad day I will buy him A Terry’s Chocolate Orange. I will send a text just to say I hope he is having a good day and I was thinking about him. He will hopefully never doubt how much I love him and how much he means to me. I am the same with my friends. I will always do the little things to help them out or cheer them up. Have the words of encouragement and the push to keep them going.
I am also a good listener. I can sit and listen for hours. I won’t interrupt. Won’t pull funny faces. I will just sit and listen and be a shoulder for them to lean on. I will always try to offer some sort of advice at the end but I think it is more important to just be there for someone and be an ear to listen and just offer emotional support. I am quite good at that. I do care about those around me. It also helps that I am not much of a chatter. So you haven’t got to worry about me interrupting all the time.
But yes, I think that’s enough good.
The bad? Where do I start?! There’s too many to write. I suppose my anxiety and depression is the worse part. I am no longer who I used to be because of it. It stops me from enjoying life like I used to and I don’t feel like I am living life as much as I should. I have lost all motivation for life recently and view each day as just a thing to get through.
I overthink everything. The tiniest thing that a person does or doesn’t say and I will think the worse. I will go in to full panic mode and think that worse will happen.
I am also very good at hiding when something is wrong. If I am struggling or have an issue I won’t talk about it. I will just let it build up and up until I break and by that point it is too much to handle.
I hate confrontation so those that might do wrong by me or upset me in some way will just get away with it. I won’t confront them in fear that I will offend them although they have done that to me.
Finally I really have no confidence in myself. I always doubt why people are my friends. I don’t believe I am quite worthy of having people in my life. I don’t think I deserve their friendship, time and care. I doubt their honesty and I doubt myself.
I think the most ugliest part of me has to be how my temper used to be and the language that I used to use. I have got so much better in the last few months thanks to F’s calming influence but prior to that I could flip at the drop of the hat. The things I would say in anger were hurtful and spiteful. It really made me an ugly person. It wasn’t attractive.
Day 2: Complete ✔️
Not Quite Made Girl
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