Day 4: A happy memory.

This is a tough one. I am sure I have had many happy memories but recently my brain has been clouded over with my anxiety. It is hard to draw upon a happy memory. I can’t remember really what happened last week let alone a happy memory of mine.

I suppose one of my most happiest moments was just being with F in our hotel room in Lanzarote in January when we went away for some winter sun. Despite being abroad with F for the first time and being in a new location, I had never felt so at home. So comfortable. So in love.

I think my happiest memory has to be the 7th August 2016. It was a beautiful sunny, Summer’s Day, one that Britain rarely experiences. But on this day the sun shone, as if it was joining in in my happiness. What happened this day? Well me and F went to a really small local music festival being held at a pub near us. We sat in the sun on the same side of a bench for the whole afternoon whilst we waited for the main act to come on. I have never found conversation flow so easily with someone. We were still fairly new to one another at this point, but I felt so comfortable and that I could just be me. No barriers, boundaries, restrictions, just honest old me. His parents came along and this was the first time I really got to meet them. Despite being nervous at first, I soon settled in to conversation with them as F reassured me with a gentle hand on my leg. I knew straight away I loved his parents and I could see why F was as much of a gentleman and a caring person as he was.
The band we were waiting for finally came on. His parents got up and danced and before I knew it F was pulling me up and we were dancing. I never dance. I hate dancing in front of people and feel very awkward. Yet that day I found myself letting go and not worrying about what other’s around me thought. All I cared about was what F thought and he and I were having a great time. Had the odd kiss here and there. Really danced our hearts out, jumped up and down and even sang along to the covers.
I saw his parents standing near us and I was in awe of them.I still am. They are so in love. After 30 odd years of marriage, two children, running their own business and acquiring a dog, their love is still so apparent. They are so affectionate. So close with another. They still act like teenagers together at times, as if their love is brand new. It’s like they just keep falling in love with one another over and over again. This is very different to the love my parents share and what an insight to what love can hold and bring to your life it was. I think that day was the first time that I realised I was heavily falling for F and was almost completely and overwhelmingly in love with him. The possibility of him being the one for me popped up in my brain. That’s when I knew we were more than seeing each other. We were more than just two people who met on Tinder. There was an actual connection between us.
F a few months ago told me that he considered the 7th August to be the official date of us. I never told him that this was my happiest memory or that it was the first time that I thought I could really love this boy. He obviously felt the same way and the 7th August has stayed a special date to both of us and a very happy memory of mine. If not the happiest.

Day 4: Complete ✔️

Not Quite Made Girl

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