I miss a lot of hings. I miss who I used to be. I miss the friends I used to have. I miss the life I used to have. I miss my dance classes. I miss being sociable. I miss living abroad. I miss the sun, the heat, my friends, the way of life, the opportunities I had there. I would say this is the thing I miss the most but I don’t think it is. I wouldn’t have met F if I hadn’t moved back. I wouldn’t have met my best Friend and done half the things I have, all the gigs I have gone to, all the memories I have created with those around me if I hadn’t moved back.
I miss my Nana.
I lost my Nana a year and a half ago to Cancer. We weren’t always as close but there was always something that connected me and my Nana. She would always back me up, be on my side and support me. My Nana treated me like a blue-eyed child that could do no wrong. I would always email her and Grandad as they lived abroad. My Nana would always ask about me, ask me questions, make sure I was okay. I think she knew that I wasn’t always alright even when others couldn’t see it.
She was particularly there for me during my last year at University. I often called her to see how treatment was going and how she was feeling. She was so positive. She showed such bravery. She never complained. Never got upset. She got on with life. She was so strong. She really became my idol. My role model. Someone I really looked up to and appreciated. Even when she was going through Cancer she would always ask me how I was, how the job hunting was going, how my final year was going and when she sensed that I was upset over failed job applications or general struggles at University she would always offer the best words of support and encouragement. The amount of belief she had in me. She treated me more like a daughter than a grand-daughter.
As a child we would bake together when I visited her and my Grandad. She got me to love baking. Taught me to cook a lemon meringue in a kitchen in 30 degree heat in the summer! She cured my fear of thunderstorms. I remember once I was round her’s and there was a loud clap of thunder and I hid under the table. She reassured me everything was okay and made me view thunderstorms in a positive and enjoyable light.
She gave me her favourite ring for my 18th Birthday. I have treasured that ring since especially the past couple of years. I used to wear it around a necklace close to my heart but I got so scared I would lose it that I now keep it in a special place.
She saw every side to me. She saw me have tantrums. She saw me happy. Saw me crying. Saw me laughing. She never judged me though. She never said anything horrible. She always showed such love. I miss that. I miss her. I miss the love and happiness that I felt whenever I saw her and spoke to her. I hate that she was taken far before her time. She was so fit and healthy but cancer just won. It took her. Took her far too soon. I lost my number one supporter. I lost my role model. I lost the person I would do anything for to help. I lost my Nana. I miss her. I wish she was here now to help me. I know she would be the best support I could ask for. I know she would still love me. I know she wouldn’t judge me. I know she would know exactly what to say and do to help. I know I would feel better if I just saw her and spoke to her again. Give her a hug. I miss her so much. I really loved my Nana and I couldn’t have asked for a better role model to look up to. I was so lucky to have known her and I thank my lucky stars that she was my Nana.
Day 15: Complete
Not Quite Made Girl
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