Well what a year it has been! From last March to now, my life has changed so much. It isn’t exactly what I imagined to happen, but in one way I am so grateful for all the highs and lows that I faced in the past 365 days because it has got me to where I am now and has allowed me to meet the love of my life.
I want to end on a positive note so I shall begin with the lows:
- The struggle. The struggle of battling anxiety and depression. The struggle to pretend that everything was okay all the time. The struggle of not knowing why I was feeling the way I was or the reason behind my outbursts and my moods. The thoughts I had at times. The struggle to cope with everyday life. The struggle to get out of bed some days.
- The declining of friendships. My anxiety was very bad exactly a year ago. I became a turtle and stayed under my shell. I wouldn’t leave it. No matter how many times I had to turn down my friends, especially send a text last minute saying I could no longer make it. This caused my friends to stop asking me to meet up. Stopped them from messaging me. Stopped them from being a friend. I have lost a lot of close friendships the past year. I can’t talk to as many people as I used to be able to and I have realised that not everyone is a true friend. I am hurt that none of my friends cared enough to stick around. To send a text now and then to see how I was. Try to drag me out the house. I didn’t expect friendship to be given up so easily especially when the friendship has been for years.
- Not getting very far in my goals. Not achieving what I would have liked to have achieved at this point in my life. Still living at home. Still being in a dead end part-time job. Being on sick leave. Struggling with money because of such a low wage. Seeing those around me getting promoted, moving in with their SO, travelling or getting another degree. All achieving what they want and on their path that they want to follow. Yet I haven’t progressed. I have stayed in the same place, maybe even regressed. I haven’t achieved anything. I’m not where I want to be. And for me that’s a low.
The highs (Time to pull up my positive pants!):
- Number 1 high has got to be meeting F and everything that has gone along with meeting him. The holiday we have had, the outings and gigs we have done, the memories we have made and the laughs we have had together. Gaining a second family and a second home. The comfort and security I feel around F and the happiness and ease I feel around his parents is so reassuring. I never imagined that I would find it easy to be around others especially my boyfriend’s family.
- Getting into football and understanding it. This may seem such an odd high but I never really had an interest in anything. I didn’t really ever support a team or know a lot about certain things. But with football I now have something I can follow. I can support. I can talk about. I love going to football matches, even if the O’s don’t win. I enjoy watching football on the telly. But most of all it has allowed me and my dad to have something to talk about and actually both have an interest in. We can sit and watch a match. Talk about players. Talk about anything football related and it not be awkward or forced. That has definitely been a high for me.
- I suppose I should say getting diagnosed with anxiety and depression because then I could finally understand why I felt the way I did. And I could now find a way to help it. Help me get back to the girl I used to be. So there we go, I’ll count that as a high.
- Starting my blog and the community that I have joined through it. I really was on my own at the beginning of my journey and turned to the internet as a way of getting things off my chest and in hope that I would find a bit of support and people in similar positions to me. That’s exactly what I found and so much more. The people I have met through this blog are incredible. I love reading their stories, hearing about their days, and the help we all offer one another. The support that we all have despite not knowing each other personally. I may not have met these people but they have been such stars to me and better to me than most of my friends that I have known for years. The people I have met is definitely up there as one of the highs, so I thank you, those who read my blog, who comment, who follow me and those of talk to me. You really have helped and I appreciate it all so much. Thank you for being a highlight of my past 365 days 😀
Day 17: Complete
Not Quite Made Girl
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