Camden Town: the home of alternative rock. But also the home of the one and only band that is Madness.
On the radio today, a Madness song came on and as I sat and sung along with it, I realised its relevance. It sat true with me and F in a fair few ways. The song was My Girl. The me that was in the relationship with F, sounds the exact same of the girl in that song. I would get mad if he didn’t want to do something, because he’d rather sit at home or do something else. I would over react and become so sensitive to it. I would think he has had enough of me, that he doesn’t want to be seen with me in public, but like the song says, he simply was thinking: ‘Why can’t she see, She’s lovely to me? But I like to stay in
And watch t.v. on my own every now and then’.
Why couldn’t I see that? Why can I only see it now that that was all he wanted when he rejected my plans. He rarely did, but the times he did, I just got mad and felt hurt. What’s wrong with him wanting to just watch TV on his own for one night? We all want to do that from time to time. Why did I over react?
The next verse makes my heart just hurt. It has been me and F so many times. I didn’t realise I caused him so much pain when I was mad, and silent at him. I also always found it hard to understand where he was coming from, what he meant and I never realised I took it all the wrong way. I would react at criticism towards me, when he corrected me on a fact that I thought I had right, even when he was just trying to help in a situation. I always thought he was taking everyone else’s side but mine, but looking back he was only trying to help. I found it hard at times to listen to F’s version of things and how he took things, and I would often resist. But in the end, often too late, I would back down and accept what he was saying. But I wish I never let it get to that stage and I would have just listened straight away, understood where he was coming from and let that be that. But like the girl in the song, I caused him pain, I wouldn’t understand what he was saying and I took it all the wrong way.
I feel like the last verse, applies more to F being the girl than me. The multiple times that we have sat it out and spoken about it, I thought we always reached a level of agreement and could just brush that situation under the carpet and carry on as we were. And I thought F felt that way too, but after Monday I have learnt he never did. Although after we had ‘agreed’ and got on with being the lovey dovey couple we were, he wasn’t actually over it, despite him saying he loved me, or showing me love and happiness. He never really got over each time and let it trump any good that came after it. And Saturday is the very example for this. Saturday, we had an argument, wasn’t a big one, nor an explosive one, but a disagreement where I got upset. We spoke it out and I thought we were okay, got over it, and we carried on with our evening and had a lovely time out that evening. The Sunday we woke up, made love (sorry tmi! and I can’t bring myself to say sex on here haha), spoke about booking a holiday etc. However, the reason he finally ended it all, was because of Saturday night. Although he acted as if everything was fine, and that he was over it and we were in agreement, he actually wasn’t. He over thought it. He looked too much into it. And It affected him and ended in him ending it with me. And that’s why Monday was such a shock because I generally thought we were good and in love and the last couple of weeks had been great! They were great, but he didn’t think so and hid it from me. He thought I didn’t care. He think I am unaware, which I am, so that’s true, because I don’t realise the things I said could hurt him so much. In my head they didn’t seem that bad, and I more often than not, didn’t mean them and said it in the heat of the moment, but unfortunately these things stuck with him far more than the good I did do and the love and care that I did show him.
Here’s the song for those of you that aren’t familiar, and also for those who already know it but love a bit of Madness, Enjoy!
Not Quite Made Girl