In the famous words of W. Clement Stone:
‘You are a product of your environment. So choose the environment that will best develop you toward your objective. Analyze your life in terms of its environment. Are the things around you helping you toward success – or are they holding you back?’
Last night, whilst sat with my parents doing a crossword, I really analysed the way my parents behave to one another in ordinary, every day circumstances. And to my horror, I realised, the way I used to speak to F, is exactly that of my father. My father snaps at my mum, he speaks down to her, he doesn’t listen to her, he picks holes, he raises his voice when there isn’t a need and he is easily agitated.
When I realised this, I sat back in horror. I am my Dad, and that is always one thing I didn’t want to be. But it got me thinking, I really am a product of the environment that I have had around me for the last 24 years and that is why I think it is ‘okay’ or ‘normal’ to behave the way I did around F.
To be like my Dad, although he does have many pros, I don’t want to be like him. I don’t want his temper, his aggression, or the way he says things. That isn’t me and I refuse to let that part of me win.
So after researching the saying ‘You are a product of your environment’, I came across the full quote and instantly made that my mantra for change.
As I keep saying how much of a motivation F dumping me has been to change, I am now stepping back and analysing the environment around me. The most prominent feature in my environment are my parents and their hostility towards one another. It is so, so clear that they aren’t helping toward my succession in changing and becoming a better, more approachable and open person. If I keep surrounding myself with such short fuses and antagonism between them, then I won’t change. Therefore, I have looked at my accounts and decided I can just about afford to buy a place of mine and move it. It’s time. I need to do it. I have started looking and am going to start looking into mortgages this weekend, so hopefully something will start sprouting soon!
In the mean time, now I have realised how much like my Dad I am, I have become so much more aware of how I behave. It has been eye opening. I don’t like it, but I can change it. I know what I have to do and that is simply think before I speak. Think about the situation, the words I use and the tone I use. It is coming more natural to me, I am thinking more before I speak, and concentrating on how it will sound before I say it. And it feels good. So good. I feel a nicer person. Tonight, when sat with my Dad, instead of confronting him in an angry, snappy way, I managed to kindly highlight that the way he spoke wasn’t always well mannered and kind and that as I had grown up with this, I thought it was normal and picked up on this habit. I even confessed that I think he is the cause for me and F for breaking up.
Of course he isn’t directly to blame, but I learnt how to behave from those who brought me up, and he was one of them. And my mum, over the years has just let him speak to her so disgustingly.
The difference with me and F, is that he had the balls, he had the heart to honestly tell me just how bad I could be and how much those words I said, the way I said it were hurtful and isn’t normal. I used to think it was him in a nice little bubble, but neither of us are in a bubble, in fact we are both just products of our environment. He grew up in an environment so full of love and care, respect and such calm, whereas my whole life has felt rushed, disappointment, stress, sadness and anger because that’s how my parents were brought up and they became the product of their environment. F’s family are normal, and so are mine. But I unfortunately, haven’t experienced the love and family life that he has. My family are distant. We don’t really speak or spend time together. But since being with F, I have witnessed another side of family life, and my god, I want that! I want that so much. I want to be that way with F. The calm. The love. The Respect. I want F to take me under his wing and help show me that way. I need him in my environment so I can pick this up. That I can reach my objective of changing. I can do most of it on my own, but in reality, I would like him there to help. I need his honesty. And this time, I would respect that. I would listen because I want to hear it. It will hurt and I will feel horrible, but I need to get over that, so I can start becoming a better me.
Progress bar is filling, change is happening. I’m excited!
Not Quite Made Girl