Ten letters and four months is all it took. Ten letters and four months for me to realise maybe you weren’t the one for me. To realise I don’t need you anymore. I can breathe and live without you.
A lot can happen in just a third of the year, can’t it F? I mean it took us a quarter of a year to become official and say I love you to one another. But it also took less than a quarter of a year for you to fall out of love with me and take it all away.
Time is a bizarre thing. It delivers pain and hurt but also comes with it happiness and chances. For a lot of things there is not certain amount of time: falling in love, moving on, grieving, anticipation, excitement – all these can range from a day to almost a year. But what I do know is that time heals. With time comes hopes and new opportunities. New happiness. New love. New luck. New life.
When you walked out I thought I couldn’t cope. I thought I wouldn’t be able to live. I had nothing to live for in my eyes. You were my love, my world. And you took it away all so easily. But look at me now! I’m here. I’m living and breathing without you. Some days are more of a challenge but I’m coping. I’m learning to live again. To live a life where you aren’t involved and aren’t a part of the future.
I’ve met some new people in the past few months – some have stayed and others I haven’t wanted to be in my life so let them go. I’ve created memories, ones where you aren’t part of them. I’m making plans for the future with other people. I’m learning to be sociable and open myself up to others.
That’s one thing I learnt from you F – I need to learn to be honest and say when I’m not okay. I’m learning to let people in my life and tell them when I’m not okay and that isn’t because of them, it’s just some times I have down days where I don’t want to talk. But by being this honest I’m not pushing people away anymore which is what I did continuously with you.
I suppose I should mention F, that I’ve met someone. Not to replace you but someone new for me to make memories with and plan a future with. I didn’t want to meet someone this quick. I didn’t mean for it to build into what it has between me and him. It just happened so I’m going to see where it goes. If I can fall in love with him down the line. I don’t want me and him to bbecome too serious too quick. Because I still find myself craving you at times and I don’t think that’s fair on him. I’ve told him this and he is aware so we’re just going to see where we head.
I didn’t want this to happen F. I never wanted to find myself without you. Not making another Christmas together. But here we are bub, it’s happened and we’re both doing what we need to do. I don’t know what the future holds for any of us or if you‘ll be a part of it again – I’d like to think maybe down the line but I’m not holding myself back waiting for you anymore.
I’m moving on. I’m just going to go with the flow. See where it takes me and see how I feel.
But if I can get to where I am now after four months and ten letters to you F, I’m anxious but eager to see what the next four months will bring me.
Four months and ten letters later I’m ending this chapter entitled F and seeing what will fill the next chapter.