I did something positive

Or something negative, depending on what the results come back and say (positive or negative blood type, just in case the joke wasn’t clear). But the thing I did was a positive thing, I GAVE BLOOD! Yes, I am officially a blood donor.

I have waited years to be able to give blood but I have always had trouble with weight or iron levels. But I finally took the plunge as I knew I was well within the weight limit, I just had to try and ensure I had enough iron in me before I donated. And I did! I finally got to give something back. I finally got to do something for someone else in need. Or to help science. Whichever my blood helps, it is still helping.

I honestly thought I would never get the chance to donate blood especially as of recently. I had 2 appointments booked in before the session I had on Thursday but I had to change them because I got ill before one and another thing came up for the other one. Nothing was going to get in the way of this one.

My mum was an absolute babe and as she was already off work (perks of being a teacher, hey!) she volunteered to come with me and be some moral support, which was super sweet of her.

For those of you who aren’t sure about the process of giving blood and that is what is putting you off giving then I will give a quick insight into what happens and how painless the whole thing is. And for those that already know or don’t want to know, then up to you whether you read on or not.

A couple of weeks before my appointment I received a letter in the post reminding me of my appointment and attached to it was a health questionnaire asking some very detailed and personal questions. It contained things such as if you were on any prescribed pills, if you’d been ill, been to the dentist or the doctors in the past seven days, whether you had been outside of the UK in the last three months, questions about your sex life and family relations and finally if you had ever lived outside the UK for a period of 6 months plus.
This form was later used in the health screening on the day of donation. But more about that when I get there.

So, form filled in, I just now had to hope I didn’t get any sort of illness and that my iron levels would stay level.

Finally, the day arrived. I was gonna donate a pint of my blood, at last! I turned up for my slot just after 3pm and registered. I was handed a leaflet (more like a booklet) explaining what would happen throughout the hour slot I had for my donation. There was a 25 minute delay, but I had the booklet and my mother to keep me company. The booklet was actually really interesting and very informative. It said what they used your blood for, whether it is to help those who need a transfusion such as those in an accident or those affected by cancer or for scientific purposes. By donating you gave your consent for your blood to be used for either purpose.
It spoke about the process of the day, what the point of the health screening and questionnaire were for (to ensure you were suitable to give blood basically) and most important why you needed to drink 500ml of water straight before giving blood (apparently it helps your well being) and the exercises to do whilst giving blood to help circulation and again ensure your well being. The exercises were wiggling the feet and crossing and uncrossing them and clenching your bum and leg muscles for five seconds and then releasing. Again all for your own good.
It also explained what each coloured uniform meant that you’d see throughout your donation. The light blue uniforms did the health screenings and the dark blue dealt with the actual procedure of blood donation.

Booklet read, water being worked through, I was called to the health screening. I started following the nurse, then realised I had left the form with mum so had to run back and the nurse hadn’t realised and it was all very embarrassing when she turned round and I wasn’t there and she was looking for me. Only I could embarrass myself that easily and quickly! (It gets a lot more embarrassing so brace yourselves).
The health screening was very quick and painless (actually I lie, there was pain involved). Questions gone through on the sheet and answers given for those that yes ticks next to them, with the answers all clear, I could get my finger pricked to test my iron levels, Yes! This pin prick was not gentle, it was bloody painful and it actually was throbbing hours later in the evening. But it was quite cool to watch. This tiny pin prick produced a fair amount of blood (not even a ml probably but looked a lot) and they sucked it up with a pipette and dropped a couple of drops into a solution that tested the iron levels. The nurse popped it in, then her face went a bit strange, she held her breath and then finally let it out and said ‘Phew, it wasn’t sure but your blood droplets have finally started falling although a bit slow, but your iron is just the right level to donate’ YES! YES! YES! The hurdle holding me back I finally jumped over, skimmed the top of it but I did it all clear. Next, what arm would be best for the veins. Now I have very prominent and visible veins so doctors and nurses always like me when I need to do blood tests so either arm was suitable to use. Screening done, I could go take my seat in the final waiting chair ready to be called up the fancy chairs to give blood.
The nurse was lovely, she saw I was with my mum and asked if I would like her to sit with me whilst I donated and called her over. Everyone was so friendly, it made the procedure so much more enjoyable and less nerve racking.

I was taken to a chair. Now, these chairs are quite fancy and very comfy, tempted to invest in one instead of an armchair. They’re blue and have a cushion head rest and one just below the knees. The chair is like an S shape and it can be moved to lay all the way back or sit up straight. Honestly, these chairs were brilliant, I don’t feel like I am doing them any justice.
Anyway, another nice nurse (this time in a dark blue uniform) came over, introduced herself and asked my name. Looked at my questionnaire and took my blood pressure. All still good, so cuff put on my arm to help raise the vein and the needle was inserted. The procedure had started.
Now, I had another issue here. So iron was all fine, but now my blood decided to slow down and the machine was bleeping saying I had dropped below the 30ml target so the nurse gave me a cardboard roll (bit like a toilet roll) to squeeze within my hand and thankfully my blood sped right up and was doubled the 30ml minimum within seconds so the nurse was content to leave me but said she would keep an eye out for me and thanked me for giving blood. Everyone there was so appreciative that you were giving blood as if it was something heroic. Maybe it is as I read that 96% of people who can give blood rely on the 4% of people to donate. Whether this figure is still relevant or not, it is amazing just how few people do give blood.

I spoke to mum throughout the ten minutes that it took for the bag to fill up. It was quite cool as you are put back a bit in the chair and there’s a machine next to you with the bag of blood filling up below. It sits on a little tray that moves from side to side and measures the blood and the speed it is filling up. It was good fun to watch and I actually managed to look at my arm and watch the blood drain out without a single feeling of queasiness.

Ten minutes up and another nurse came and took the needle out of my arm and slowly sat me up. Explained that I wasn’t to do any strenuous activity or hold or lift anything heavy with the arm, and to rest basically.

Now, here comes the ultra embarrassing part. Blood bag taken. Leaflet explaining what to do after donation done, it was time to get the juice and biscuits. I was dead excited for this bit, you can’t go wrong with a free biccy. Of course it was to help your well being in terms of sugar levels and hydration but still I was excited. I got up out of the chair, started feeling stupidly hot, I felt sweat pouring out of places I didn’t even know it could and the next thing I knew I couldn’t hear the nurse next to me talking and I couldn’t see anything in front of me and then I was on the floor, being surrounded by nurses, curtains being pulled around me, a fan being pulled round and two cool packs placed under and around my neck. I have never felt so embarrassed. What a flaming wuss I was. A tear did trickle from my eye because I was so shocked it happened as I felt fine the whole time donating and also because I was just so embarrassed. It took a while for me to focus and really come back round and I was sat on the floor (more like laying) with my legs on a chair raised whilst I cooled down.
My mum told me afterwards, I was white. But when I fell apparently my forehead went bright red, I guess that’s because the blood goes rushing back there? (If you know the real reason for this please let me know). So after five mins on the floor I was transferred to the chair once again and had a juice and crisps (not a biscuit because I needed to get my salt levels up unfortunately) to help. Ten mins or so later, I just wanted to get out of there because I was embarrassed. Everyone, again was so caring, helpful, friendly and understanding and honestly they were just amazing. They really deserve so much praise. It can’t be easy doing that job day in and out but they do it perfectly and always with a smile and so much care.

I was exhausted the rest of the evening and the day after I still didn’t feel quite right but it hasn’t put me off. I am waiting for my results to see if my blood was okay and once I get that confirmation I will be booking my next appointment for 16 weeks time. It was the best thing I have ever done and such a positive experience.

I just want to thank the lovely ladies that I came across that day who couldn’t have possibly done anymore or been even more friendly. You ladies are amazing and you really deserve so much recognition for what you do, and how much you help, educate and care for others. Thank you.

Thank you also to those other donors that took time out of their day to donate. Everyone has busy lives and may not feel comfortable donating blood but they did it anyway and they are helping so many others by doing that act.

Thanks to mother too for dealing with such a dramatic daughter, I am sorry you always have to catch me when I fall, but thank you for always being there when I do.

Giving blood, an experience that is full of positivity and care. I can’t wait to do it again, see you in December Public Hall for part 2 of the donation!

Not Quite Made Girl





Darling, I know that we’re fcked

‘And it hurts to think of you like that’ 

Last weekend I went to a Festival and I saw Nina Nesbitt who I have seen a couple of times before, but she never gets boring to watch. She’s a great country singer. Well I think she is country but apparently she is folk rock, so we’ll go with that.

Her songs, her stage performance and her reasoning behind songs is exactly what music should be about. I dare anyone to not be able to relate or be able to sing along with one of Nina’s songs. They are just so darn catchy.

This song sticks with me, as I can relate. Three weeks after me and the ex broke up, he was on Tinder and chasing other girls, so I do get this and I did feel the exact same way as she did when she went through it. When you do go through a break up, you go through so many emotions, you feel devastated but then you think ‘Okay, I didn’t belong with them’ but then you see them moving on so fast and you wonder if you were anything to them and what they say to the newbie? Do they ever speak of what they used to have with you? Do they bad mouth you? Do they miss your touch? Is the newbie better?

So, yeah, there’s my reasons for picking this song as tune of the week. Do give Nina a listen, you might just find a new artist to listen to on the train to work to gear you up for work!

Not Quite Made Girl



Lucky “7”

They say the number seven is lucky and this just so happens to be the amount of months since I last wrote a blog on Not Quite Made Girl. Why the number 7 is lucky, I don’t know but it is always my go to number so maybe that means it is about the right time that I started writing on here again.

I know it has been a while. It hasn’t been easy. It hasn’t been hard. It has just been life the past seven months. A lot has changed. In other ways very little has changed. I am still the Not Quite Made Girl stumbling and tripping over this journey we all have to call life whether we are really living it or just enduring it because we think it will get better or because we simply have no choice.

Since I last wrote, I wish I could say how happy and full of beans I am. But… I would be lying and also wouldn’t be human if I said that. After all we all can’t be happy all the time. I have had some incredible achievements in the past few months, the main being that I have officially moved into my very own flat and now a, I believe the kids are calling ‘Mortgage Wanker’. I am gradually putting my own touch on the place, the walls are painted/wallpapered, the carpets are all new, the furniture is almost all in place and it feels very much like my own space. To have been able to achieve this at the age of early to mid twenties by myself without a partner I am proud of myself, not only because it is such an accomplishment especially in the world we live in currently but also because I have been working towards this dream since I could walk and talk. I always wanted my own place. I always had ideas to decorate a place. After all the saving of birthday money and various other incomes over the years, it finally happened and I am happy. And so, so lucky that I have had the help of my parents when it has come to the actual painting and decorating of the place as I lack the skills there!

Yes, milestone number one ticked off and smiles all round. The other aspects of my life? Well they’re plodding along at the same old pace. Still in a job which I detest, the people are tolerable at best and doesn’t pay me enough so I am living paycheck to paycheck to travel into the City every month to sit at a desk all day and have nothing to do despite my best efforts to try and change things. Things won’t change anytime soon so we shall leave the work issue there.

My relationship status? Well I am still going out with J. Almost a year since I met him and this time next week it would have been a year since I started talking to him. Yay. We’ve had a holiday to Barcelona (albeit a very quick city trip as had to take holiday from work otherwise I would lose it) and then parents invited us, alongside my brother and his Mrs, to Northern Cyprus for the a few days back in May. We got through those. It is said that travelling brings the worst out in people but I think the travelling bit is the easiest part it is the being around the person 24/7 in a place you don’t know and can’t get your ow space from. I am not saying this because I didn’t appreciate the company of J, quite the opposite but we’re both just very head strong and have our own preferences and find it hard to agree with what the other says at times, so it does get stressful. But we’re working on it. Well still working on it since the beginning so it should start getting easier anytime now, right?

J is lovely. I must emphasise this. He is loving, caring, forgetful but sweet, eager, opinionated strong minded, foul mouthed at times, but I accept all this and love it. I really do. I am lucky to have him. We fall out but we don’t shout or argue, we just disagree and get on with it, which for me is such a huge improvement on my past relationship with F, where we would shout the house down and reduce each other to tears and hate every time. But I do find myself questioning if I do care for J as much as I did F? I always used to get so worked up with F because I cared, I wanted to be perfect for him and when he criticised me and had a go at me I took it so personally and just wanted to prove to him that he was wrong and that I did care. And I did this by arguing because I always believed if the person was worth it you’d fight for it whether that be through arguments or whatever but if you didn’t you simply accepted it and didn’t show any emotion towards it? That is super twisted and doesn’t make sense but basically, those who love each other argue, right? Because they care?
But anyway, yes, I do care about J, I am just not sure if it is in the same way that I cared and loved F. But in my own other way I do love J and I don’t want to be without him, apart from to have my own space a few nights a week. I like to have my own space, especially more so since I have moved into my own place. I like the freedom. I like knowing things are in their place. I like leaving dishes uncleaned if I want to or a pillow out of place on the sofa because I just can.

Yes, I see J most weekends whether he comes to mine or I go to his and his flatmates in London. We do fun things, ride Santander (Boris) bikes, go to pubs, walks, festivals, gigs, parties, all sorts, and it is fun. But at the end of the day it is nice to got to bed on my own after this filled weekends with J and just sit with my thoughts.

I am sounding so horrible, but I have needed to just write this for months. I know I love J and that is why I am okay writing this, (I wasn’t really meant to be writing about this, it was meant to be a quick “Hi”, but the fingers got carried away!) I just still live for  moments in the past and finding the future a blurry haze that I am scared to venture into. I don’t want to think about life in December, or 2019, for I am struggling to see what life has in plan for me tomorrow. I am just going with the flow whilst walking on the eggshells leading the way. Hopefully at one point my feet will firmly touch the ground and certainty and confidence will behold me. (I can at least hope).

For now, it’s time to put the washing on the clothes horse, brush my teeth and catch up on Versailles before another day at work tomorrow.

I am back and do plan to stick around so please bear with whilst I get back into the flow.

Keep well
Not Quite Made Girl


Photo by Jerry Kiesewetter on Unsplash

Blue Monday

More often than not, the third Monday in January has become commonly known as ‘Blue Monday’. The one day of the year where it is ‘okay’ to be depressed because everyone else is depressed. Blue Monday was originally PR invented but it has since become an annual holiday and has even got it’s own scientific formula, which is as follows: 

*Clears throat, points at whiteboard with stick, pushes glasses up bridge of the nose* Open square bracket Weather + bracket Debt Level – our ability to pay the debt bracket close square bracket x Time Since Christmas and Time Since Failing our New Year’s Resolutions over Low Motivational Levels x feeling of a need to take charge of the situation.

So, in simple human terms: as the festivities of eating and drinking, lights shining bright, Christmas trees everywhere and the general happiness of Christmas has now come to an abrupt end, instead, we now find our days are filled with work, dark mornings, freezing rain without even the hope of a sprinkling of the white stuff(Snow, not the other white stuff!) After an early payout before Christmas holidays, the wait is even longer till the next paycheck arrives which doesn’t help the debt built up during the celebrations. 

As well as growing debt and physiques, with the end of the year comes the start of a new, and we as humans, love a new start to bring about reason to change. We want to change things about ourselves that we have lived with for all the previous years and keep meaning to do something about but never quite got round to it. Alas, worry no more non amie as the New Year is the time to do this! Or is it?

So now we have in addition to the building up of debt, the physical after mouth on our appearance after the festivities indulgences and the grey days, we also need to change ourselves. All at a time when our motivation is at an all time low thanks to everything mentioned above. It’s a cicious circle really. A rather exhausting one!

Blue Monday. The one day of the year where everyone concensually agrees that they are feeling ‘depressed’. That feeling of sluglishness. Exhaustion. Sadness. Hurt. Pain. It’s universally felt and acknowledged this one day a year. Tomorrow and every other day after aren’t as bad: nearing the end of January, pay day a bit closer and edging that bit more to Spring. And more importantly it won’t be Monday – because everyone knows that any other day after Monday is bearable.

Blue Monday is a continuous day for a lots of people. Some aren’t as lucky as others where depression only appears one day of the year. For those of us with depression or any mental health can’t just decide on a day where we can feel worthless. Feel like not getting out of bed. Having no interest in anything. The struggles and difficulties that come with the reality of depression aren’t just limited to a day. It’s days and weeks in a row. It’s spontaneous. It doesn’t have a reason or rhyme. It’s just depression. And it’s what it does and how it works. 

I don’t have a personal problem with the term ‘Blue Monday’ or the concept of it but I do know it troubles a lot of people because as mentioned, depression isn’t specifically linked to just one day.  It also gives the impression that it’s easy to deal with, it’s not as life impacting as it actually is. It promotes the idea that depression is just feeling a bit bleurgh because of external factors. That isnt what depression is or how it should be perceived.

But instead of belittling this annual event I think we should take it in our stride and use it to get people to talk more about depression. Help people understand it. Talk about it. Communicate more openly about the symptoms of depression. The feeling. The suffering. The things we can do to help each other. 

But most importantly I think we should use Blue Monday as a reminder to just check up on those we care about. Start a conversation with them. Show them you’re thinking of them. You’re there for them for whenever. It doesn’t matter if they suffer with mental health or not – in life we could all do with a bit of tender loving care and a pick up every once in a while and what better way than what has become known as the most depressing day of the year. 

Not Quite Made Girl 


Photo by Olu Eletu https://unsplash.com/photos/G4qzugfuBp8

For they could not love you; But still your love was true

James Blake. My first discovery of new music for 2018. He’s very different to my normal stuff but there’s just something about his music. It is mesmerising. Soothing. Easy listening. His voice is just beautiful.

I gave him a wee bit of a google and he has actually been round for quite a while. From around 2009 or 2010. So I am a bit disappointed that I have only just come across him. He has three studio albums; James Blake, Overgrown and The Colour In Anything.

As I have only just found him, I have only really listened to his most recent album, The Colour in Anything. It is a varied album, which even features Frank Ocean.

I have chosen his latest single Vincent as Song of the Week because it was the first song that I listened to of his on Spotify. Now I am aware that this is a cover of Don McLean’s song, but I do think it is a great song that really compliments his vocals.

So, here’s a bit of James Blake to brighten up any day!

Not Quite Made Girl


Just the ‘Weigh’ I am

Oh goodness, I finally did it. I finally stood on the nemesis that comes in the form of scales. What a shock. After a few double takes at the numbers that were presenting themselves so boldly and confidently at me, I stood down from the scales. I quickly contemplated throwing them out the window, but it isn’t their fault I have eaten and drunk like a King these last few weeks. It is my own sorry doing!

Now, I am never one to be so open about my weight but ‘New Year and all that’ I have decided that in order to keep myself on a healthy path I need to be very honest and open about exactly what I am popping into that big mouth of mine.

I know the old sayings ‘The number on the scales doesn’t define you’, ‘I am worth more than a number on a scale’ and ‘the scale can only tell you what you weigh, not what your worth’, blah, blah, blah. but sorry that kind of thinking doesn’t work on me. For as long as I can remember I have had a very firm number in my head that I will never let myself weigh beyond and if I can I try to never allow myself to be within 10lbs of that heaviest weight. Currently I am wobbling on the verge of that number! I think I have had one piece of Christmas Cake and one Gluhwein too many this break.

I can’t lie – I have loved a lot of this past holiday season. I don’t really regret anything, nor am I being too harsh on myself for the weight gain. I have had such a good time, explored new place, created smashing new memories and enjoyed myself. They do say you shouldn’t regret anything that makes you happy, right?

So, I know I am a few days late to this who January – New Me thing and missed the start of diet season and Dry season too, but I was too busy drinking Edinburgh Gin and warming myself up with Gluwvein to start on the 1st. Sorry. Not sorry.

But yes, shall I divulge to you the unholy number that appeared in front of my horrified eyes yesterday on my nemesis, like President Snow to Katniss, Voldemort to Harry Potter, Captain Hook to Peter Pan (I think you get my drift). The number was… 133.2lbs. *faints* Now, I know numbers mean different things to different people, but this isn’t a criticism or anything to anyone of that number or above. It is simply a shock to me because ever since I have been about 15 I have always been adamant to stick below a certain number because I was a very podgy child and in a way, although I can’t change my looks, I can control my weight and being below a certain number makes me feel just a wee bit better about myself. Everyone is different and I believe as long as YOU are happy with how you are, then that is all that matters!
For me, I am not happy if I am over my maximum, which I won’t disclose, but my current weight is near.

Current weight stats for Mad to Made Girl are in and they are:

  • 21.1% fat
  • 58.6% water
  • 133.2lbs – Weight
  • 22 inches – Thighs
  • 27.5cm – Arms 
  • Waist and Stomach no measurements as the fabric tape measure that I got in a cracker wasn’t big enough 😭 Once I find one of suitable size or shrink my waist and tummy I shall provide the actual measurements, until then, let’s just establish that I have gained too much to actually measure.

I am disclosing this all with you because I want to be honest with myself, I want to have a reason to stick to my new regime, whatever that will be. To be honest, it is just me rambling to myself if I am honest! But I would like to share this new journey with you all. I want to do it in a healthy way and by posting about it, I am hoping it will stop me from reverting to my old ways of binging and purging. Instead, take up exercise and eat nutritiously. I am hoping I will find some support on here throughout.

Now for the exciting stuff: I have a new plan in place. Well I actually have yet to verify it and actually do it, but it will go along something like this.

  1. Eat two or three meals a day 
    I currently don’t really have a plan when it comes to food, I simply eat when I am hungry. I have never been a breakfast person but maybe this needs to change? Everyone says how important breakfast is but I find the earlier I start eating the more I will eat throughout the day and crave more bad foods. So, whether it is breakfast or lunch I will ensure that I have at least two nutritional meals a day.
  2. No snacking unless Fruit 
    I am the world’s worst at snacking! I graze very much like a cow. I will start on one sweet thing and graze myself through the whole pack and then some. So, i will make a concerted effort to not buy sweet things filled with refined sugars but instead eat less sugary fruits such as Kiwis or Raspberries.
  3. Cut back on Sugar and Sweets
    See above.
  4. Drink at least 2 litres of water a day 
    I am terrible at drinking throughout the day. I rarely drink. And when I do it will either be cups of teas, fizzy drinks or alcohol. But no more I say! I shall fill my personalised Love Island bottle at least 3 times throughout the day to ensure I am getting my 2 litres.
  5. Eat vegan or vegetarian meals at least three times a week
    I am not doing this because people say it is healthier, I am simply choosing to do this because I want to reduce my meat consumption because I am not sure I entirely feel comfortable with the whole procedure of how we get our meat. Although I do eat mostly organic meat, it is still a life of an animal. I used to be a vegetarian when I was 15/16 and was one for a good couple of years. At that time there wasn’t a vast amount of options for vegetarians but now a days the selection is huge and it is often tastier than the meat equivalent.
    I have prepared myself with two vegan books, I just need to find where to get things such as vegan cheese, and other vegan products. If you have any recommendations then please give me a shout, it would be greatly appreciated.
  6. Cook majority of meals from scratch
    I do enjoy cooking and knowing just exactly what is being put in my food. I want to have that control and knowledge. And the only way I can guarantee this is to cook from scratch.
  7. Prep meals in advance 
    I am the laziest person once I get in from work. Although I finish work at 5.30pm I don’t normally get home until gone 7pm because of the commute. By that point, I am too knackered to even think about cooking so normally pop something in the microwave so I can then have a bit of the evening to myself to relax.
    But no more my friend, no more! I am going to prepare my meals on a Sunday so I have no excuse. I will batch cook, freeze things and just do general prep so I have zero excuse to not cook.
    As the saying goes, failure to prepare is preparing yourself to fail. 😉
  8. Exercise at least three times a week and be active (walking) every day for at least 60 minutes 
    Thanks to Samsung Health I can measure my activity level every day through their app which automatically picks up whenever you are walking. I will ensure to get to the 60 minute mark everyday. This will encourage me to get up from my desk at work more often and just take a quick walk around to encourage circulation and concentration. That’s my excuse anyway.
    I will also try to go to the gym and do cardio around three times a week. A nice bit of running on my good friend the treadmill (although being a bit of an old lady I do have trouble with my hip and knee so this might hinder me) or step master, or the cross trainer or the bike. I will also try to do at least one day of strength a week. But as I am reluctant to increase muscle mass, I will concentrate on cardio to encourage fat burning before I concentrate on strength.

So, there you have it mon ami (mon amie or mes amis) my exciting health adventure.

Ooo, I did forget one think. Now prepare yourself because this might come as bit of a shock, but… I am not drinking for one whole month! Yes, me, the gin lover, the prosecco downer, the avid cider drinker and the cocktail connoisseur is no longer. I am going dry from the 5th January to  the 4th February. I have already been staring in the fridge at a can of cider that I am desperately wanting. 😧 Then if I survive that, I am sweating at  the mere thought of it and already having withdrawal symptoms then I shall only really drink at weekends. God, take a deep breath Not Quite Made Girl you can do this. Alcohol isn’t everything. Yes, it helps confidence and eases social situations but maybe it is time I learnt to do this without my friend booze. Wish me luck.

I want this to be a bit of a light hearted thing. I want to take the pressure of myself to be a certain way. But most importantly I want to discourage my habits of binging and purging. I have already done this twice in 2018 and we are only five days in. This needs to change. I want to be healthy and see food in a positive way. I want to enjoy it. I don’t want to keep feeling the negativity and fear that I have when it comes to food. I don’t want to fear eating out with people or letting myself indulge every now and then without feeling the need to purger. I want to be ‘normal’ in my relationship with food and hopefully this will help.

I will be very honest throughout this next month and a bit with weekly updates. i will include updates on measurements. Any exciting recipes that I have found or new workouts that I would love to recommend. After that I will see where I am and whether I still need to be so present with in on here. I don’t want health an food to dominate this post, but for now, I feel like this could be a good way to maybe find support and to support others. I don’t want this to be a diet, because it isn’t, it is a change of relationship. Change of view when it comes to nutrition.

Any advice or suggestions for recipes or exercises or blogs to follow would be very much appreciated. I am a novice and am not good at sticking to things, so please, any words of wisdom or past experiences would be great to hear.

Here’s to the next month and a bit and to getting healthy and learning to love food in a healthy way again.

Not Quite Made Girl


P.S. this will now be sharing the Progress Updates page that I had going on my progress on changing to get F back. I will post both Progress Updates and Health updates on that section.

Photo by patricia serna on Unsplash


It’s that time of year. The time to reflect back on the past 12 months, the last 365 days, all 8760 hours of it!

What a year this has been. I think it has been the worst and best year of my life. What an oxymoron.

This year started off as a tough one for my mental health. I knew things weren’t always right with me, mentally and I suffered such lows and panic but I never really had anyone to talk to about it and despite my many cries of help over the years, no one reached out to me and offered me a hand,
So, unfortunately this year it all just came too much for me to handle anymore. I was getting worse and all it took was for a flight back from such an amazing holiday with F, for things to come to a head. The panic attack was the start of it – it led to being signed off work for months, going to CBT, trying different tablets and for those around me to try and learn a little about mental health.

Continue reading “2017”

I could’ve spent forever with your hands in my pockets

It’s that time again… Song of the Week. Although it isn’t every week, I promise I will try to do better with that in the New Year!

This week it is none other than *drum roll*… Taylor Swift. 

I am a bit behind on the music front and only just discovered that Taylor Swift was finally back on Spotify in the last couple of weeks. This honestly made my day! I have sorely missed listening to Miss Swift.
I have had her new album Reputation playing in the car, on my headphones, and even on my Google Home Mini.  I really admire Taylor – I like her attitude and how she bounces back from all that is thrown at her. I feel she is greatly misunderstood and deserves a lot more praise and admirability.

Anyway, I take it that it comes as no surprise that I have chosen her as my song of the week and the last song for 2017!
It is her song Dancing with our hands tied. I don’t know what I like about this song, but I always find myself singing it and humming it,


Taylor Swift – Dancing with our hands tied

(This was the only version that I could find on youtube, so I am guessing it isn’t one of her most popular songs amongst the fans? Well it’s one of my favs, anyway!)

Not Quite Made Girl


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