I’m in that state of mind Where I bottle everything inside my head And stare at the ground

Wow, it has been a while since I’ve ventured to this neck of the woods. Feels like I am in a room at a family reunion and not quite sure what to say to you all. Feels a bit awkward turtle in here. I know I keep having moments of being overly trigger happy on the typing front then I disappear into oblivion for a bit. I keep saying sorry for my lack of writing, but no one cares really, do they? And clearly I don’t mean my sorry because I keep doing it over and over, so sorry about that.

I wish I could say I have been absent for a good reason; that I have been happy, socialising, enjoying this thing that we call life. If I did say this, I would be lying. Not wholeheartedly lying but for the most part, I would be.

Life’s a funny old thing, isn’t it?  Life with mental health illness is even funnier. You never know quite how you feel. If you’re coming or going. If you want to smile or cry. If you want to love and be loved or be alone. If you want to live or die. There’s never a definite answer to those conflictions. Continue reading “I’m in that state of mind Where I bottle everything inside my head And stare at the ground”

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Hit the reset, I’m starting again

I have returned! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I apologise for that. There has been a serve lack of postings, whether it be Progress Updates, Dear F (YAWN!), Tunes or even Reviews. I am sorry, but worry no more, for I am back with a post. I’ll leave it up to you whether you think it is interesting or not.

So here’s my sorry excuse as to my lack of posts: I kind of lost all faith in my blog. I started to doubt my ability to write and how little my blog got read. Yes I boycotted Mad to Made Girl for a week before I told myself to snap out of it and stop being so self absorbed. I never started this blog with the intention for people to read it, I only ever wanted a place where I could write my thoughts and opinions without anyone really knowing who I was and without judgement. It was a space for me to rationalise my thoughts. To think things over. Anonymously. But how lucky am I, I have got followers, I have got people viewing it. It doesn’t matter that it might only be 2 or 3, that’s more than I ever expected and I am grateful for that. So with this kick up the bum to pull myself together, I am back here with a new post.  Continue reading “Hit the reset, I’m starting again”

Progress Update 103

Can I just get a round of high fives as yesterday I hit a couple of realisations and I actually achieved such a change in my train of thought, that a few weeks ago, would have been so different. Amazing what a couple of weeks does for you and a bit of drive, hope and determination.

Image result for high five gif
Source: https://giphy.com/gifs/barack-obama-president-they-tried-TEFplLVRDMWBi

 

Yesterday, the weather was shocking here. It was like a true winter’s day. It rained all day. It was flooding. It was grey. It was cold. It could have given me so many reasons to recluse within myself a bit and draw back from my positive outlook and go back to my old ways.

 

Instead, I embraced it! I got soaked on the way to work, but I was smiling. I didn’t care. It was such a minor thing, it wasn’t going to be permanent and I would dry off the second I got to work.
I walked in with a smile and greeted those around me. I feel I am becoming more approachable. I am dropping that barrier that I used to carry. And it is all thanks to being honest with those around me and being honest with myself.

On Tuesday, I finally opened up to those that I work with. I may have over shared a bit too much, but it helped. I got other opinions, other views, other people’s advice which is so different to that of those that I normally surround myself with, such as friends outside of work and my parents.
Continue reading “Progress Update 103”

Eureka! 💡

It’s been a while. I do apologise. Life has been happening as of late. And in a good way. Hallelujah!
In the words of the band Paramore:

Things are looking up
Oh, finally
I thought I’d never see the day

They really are looking up and for the first time in a long time, I feel generally content with my life and everything that I have. It has taken me a while to reach this point of realisation but I am so glad I finally have.

So many aspects of my life are going right. Things have fallen into place on the job front and with regards to my relationship with F, I feel we are both finally on the same page of understanding and happier and stronger than we’ve ever been. I don’t want to brag or rub it in everyone’s face, because that’s not the point of this blog. The reason I want to talk about the highs and happiness that I am experiencing at the moment is because I want to show that no matter how low you get or how much of a dark, lonely place you find yourself in, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can’t see it at that point of time.

Only a few weeks ago, was I at my lowest, not wanting to continue with life anymore. Believing that me and F were doomed for. That I would never get a job. That I would be stuck at home forever. That I would have to sit at home and look at the same four walls all day, day in, day out. I felt so distant from my friends, my family and F. Continue reading “Eureka! 💡”

Day 21: Your greatest accomplishment

My Greatest Accomplishment. This is a tough one. For those around me, they know that I find it very hard to accept when I have done well and that I am very reluctant to praise myself and acknowledge when I have accomplished something great, no matter how small it is.

I suppose for me, my biggest accomplishment so far, in my twenty odd years of living, has to be getting through University and actually graduating with a 2:1 and then going on to do a Postgraduate Certificate. Yes, a lot of people go to University these days and a degree maybe isn’t valued as much as it used to be because more and more people can obtain it, but to me this is an accomplishment, especially in getting a degree in a foreign language. Not only are you learning a subject to a high degree but you are also doing that in a language which is not your mother tongue. For me this is an achievement and maybe I should be more proud of myself for doing it and graduating on a good grade with it.
I have always hated education and struggled. I have never been able to sit down for long periods of time and focus on one thing. I can’t sit and learn for  hours especially if it is something that I am not interested in. I never used to get on with teachers and would always be the silent one sat at the back of the class trying to not get asked to answer a question. I never thought I would go to University. Continue reading “Day 21: Your greatest accomplishment”

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Helen's Journey

👣 Follow my footsteps as I discover a more natural route in life for MIND, BODY, SOUL and spirit!👣 A Wellness and Positivity Blog ✍️ Typing away as I battle chronic illness, all while still wearing my crown 👑

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