Dear F (10), 

Ten letters and four months is all it took. Ten letters and four months for me to realise maybe you weren’t the one for me. To realise I don’t need you anymore. I can breathe and live without you.

A lot can happen in just a third of the year, can’t it F? I mean it took us a quarter of a year to become official and say I love you to one another. But it also took less than a quarter of a year for you to fall out of love with me and take it all away.

Time is a bizarre thing. It delivers pain and hurt but also comes with it happiness and chances. For a lot of things there is not certain amount of time: falling in love, moving on, grieving, anticipation, excitement – all these can range from a day to almost a year. But what I do know is that time heals. With time comes hopes and new opportunities. New happiness. New love. New luck. New life.

When you walked out I thought I couldn’t cope. I thought I wouldn’t be able to live. I had nothing to live for in my eyes. You were my love, my world. And you took it away all so easily. But look at me now! I’m here. I’m living and breathing without you.  Some days are more of a challenge but I’m coping. I’m learning to live again. To live a life where you aren’t involved and aren’t a part of the future.

I’ve met some new people in the past few months – some have stayed and others I haven’t wanted to be in my life so let them go. I’ve created memories, ones where you aren’t part of them. I’m making plans for the future with other people. I’m learning to be sociable and open myself up to others.  Continue reading “Dear F (10), “

Advertisements

Dear F, (9)

I didn’t expect to find myself writing you another letter. I thought I was coping just fine and felt no loyalty to your nor much love towards you. However, like most things when it comes to you, I was wrong.

I got a text from you just over a week ago after The Wolf Alice gig. I wasn’t expecting that. It threw me off. It has caused me to derail a bit. You saw me there. Yes, I saw you too, but I didn’t feel the need to tell you. I saw you with your friend. But I didn’t look long enough to clock what you were doing. How you were. I didn’t want to. I was there with someone and I was excited and Happy to be with them. But you felt the need to tell me that you saw me. That you were pleased I looked happy. That I was also a deadringer for the lead singer in the band we had both seen that night. Why? Why did you have to do that?

Continue reading “Dear F, (9)”

Dear F, (8)

Thank you. Thank you for ending it with me. I mean it. I’m not bitter. I’m not hateful. In fact I’m joyous. Happy. Excited. I’ve never felt so positive about things and I owe that to you, so thank you.

I haven’t felt like me in years. I don’t know when I stopped being me but it’s been far too long. The girl you were with when you was with me was only half the real me. The girl that was excited at times. The girl who was a bit eccentric. The girl who maybe laughed that little bit too loud. That was the real me. And my goodness has she resurfaced in the past month and a bit.

I have done so much that I wouldn’t have done before; I’m meeting new people, I’m going to places I would never normally go, I’ve started following my dreams and likes, I’ve been sociable, I’ve been smiling and I’ve been laughing. I’m starting to see there’s so much more to life.

I am growing in to myself at long last. I’m burning bridges with my past faster than I ever have before. What’s happened in the past is staying there now. I’m not allowing it to affect me in the present. I don’t deserve the unhappiness. The stress. The worry. And those around me don’t deserve to feel it either. I’m sorry you had to.  Continue reading “Dear F, (8)”

Dear F, (7)

It’s amazing how much can change in three weeks. How quick the emotions can change and how the person you think you fell in love with can turn and show their ‘real colours’.

I was coming to terms with the break up quite well the past week and a half or so. I was feeling perkier and more positive. I believed you still cared and still respected me. You still called me baby. You kept sending me messages. You put kisses at the end of some messages. But I now know why you did all that: to get me back in to bed. And it worked.

Continue reading “Dear F, (7)”

Dear F, (6)

I don’t know why I’m still writing these letters to you especially as we have had the odd conversation here and there through whatsapp. I suppose there’s so much I still don’t understand and I find it easier to comprehend writing it down in a letter to you.

Thank you. I’ve finally realised why you did this. Why you cause this hurt. I’ve finally come to terms with it and I’ve put it towards so much good. I’ve finally learnt how to turn hurt and bad into something positive and helpful and I think that’s what you always wanted me to achieve. So thank you, I finally am learning.

Continue reading “Dear F, (6)”

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

Flying Solo

Mid twenties girl trying to get through a thing called 'life'

👣 Helen's Journey 👣

Green Living & Natural Product Reviews / Wellness / Positivity / Chronic Illness / My Poetry / My Faith / My Life Lessons & more...

Reading Through My Eyes

Creating a shared vision through the power of books

Football Analyst

Authoritive views on everything football

In A Messy World

All vibes welcome here