For those that live in the city or often travel on trains the title of this blog will sound all too familiar. That voice that comes over the speakers as you approach the final stop and says: This is where this train terminates, all change please.
Now this post has nothing to do with trains but it does have something to do with change. Although I am not a train nor am I the end station, I feel like with so much change going on around I am constantly having to change trains to try and keep up and reach my destination whilst keeping up with those around me. Bit of a weird comparison. But like train journeys, life is full of twists and turns and sometimes we have to get off before we reach the end of our journey yet others around us have reached theirs. (I’m mad I know, hence the name but it makes so much sense in my head!)
This post is expanding more on my post titled Wait for me! I feel more than ever that everything around me is just changing in a flash. I thought I was an individual who dealt well with change but I think as my anxiety has got worse over the years, I now dread any sort of change no matter how small it is. I will think that only the worse possibility will come out of the change.
My anxiety has been dominating this week. Which in turn has heightened my depression. I am constantly panicking about things. Imagining things which aren’t actually happening. My sleeping tablets can’t even help me get to sleep. I still toss and turn until the early hours and then waking up gasping for breath at every hour.
The reason for this? I feel inferior to everyone else. This past month a lot of change has happened around me and it seems to be too much change at once. None of it was expected and has often come to me as a surprise.
I don’t think it is so much the actions of those around me that is setting my anxiety off but more the idea that it isn’t me celebrating good news. It isn’t me moving along the path of life. It isn’t me who has something new to experience. The newest thing I get to experience is my first therapy session this week, and compared to moving in with a partner or buying your own property, getting a promotion or going on fancy hotel trips or even getting married this isn’t exactly the same kind of excitement.
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