Day 27: Seven things you think about a lot

  1. The future: Who will be there? Who will I know? Where will I be? Will I have achieved what I hoped to achieve? Will I be happy? Will I be in love?
  2. Love: Fears of being alone. Fears of being dumped. Understanding what love is. Learning the different kinds of love that people offer. How do I show my love? Do people know I love them? Do others really love me or just put up with me?
  3. Money: Will I have enough money this month? I want to do this but my money is low. Always ensuring I am never in debt with anyone. Always insisting on paying my way even if I am struggling with money. Have I got enough money to pay for this night out with friends? Will they think me a bore if I decline the invite because of money? Will I ever earn enough to move out? Will I be able to buy my own house one day with the money I earn?
  4. Those around me: What do they really think? Do they really like me? What are they up to? What goes on in their lives? What don’t I know about them? Do they think I am weird? How much can I trust them? How long with they stay in my life for before they walk away? Is there such thing as true friendship?
  5. How I’m feeling on the inside: Do I really feel anything? What’s the point in life? What is the goal? Where will I be in 10 years time? Why do I feel the way I do? What am I living for? Am I truly happy? Why am I sad? What is going on in my head? What triggers these lows and highs? Will I ever snap out of this? Will I ever be able to cope with it?
  6. Privacy: How much should I share with people? Do people really want to know everything because they care or because they are nosy? How much of our lives is private? Do we share too much?
  7. Food: What’s for dinner? What can I eat? I’m hungry. Food, Food, FOOD!

Day 27: Complete ✔️

Not Quite Made Girl
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Day 25: An in depth description of your body and what you like about it

My body is one of my biggest hang ups. I am never happy with it. Never happy with what I see looking back at me in the mirror. I’m always trying to improve it. Trying to get thinner. Trying to get more athletic. Fake tanning cause I’m so pale.

I’m slightly taller than the average height for a woman of my age and origin. People say I have an athletic/lean build. Long legs. Short torso. Longish arms because my torso is so short.
I have naturally light brown/dark blonde hair but I am forever dying it so at the moment I have dark brown roots and a blonde ombré. Blue eyes which are blue blue in spring and summer and greyish blue in winter and autumn. The one thing I do like about my body is my nose. It is quite petite and “cute” and button like. I have it pierced and often wear a tiny diamond stud. I have full lips and a whole set of teeth. People forever comment on my smile and how “pretty” it is. But I hate it. I hate how my teeth look and how full my lips are. I am forever covering my mouth with my hand.
Talking of hands, I have very long thin fingers and quite big hands over all. I blame the years of playing piano as a child for the length!
I don’t think anyone is every truly happy with their body and find it very hard to describe or talk about it. We all see something completely different in the mirror to what we are told that others see. I hope there’s a lot of people out there who don’t fit into this and are so happy and contempt with their body because they should be. It is a beautiful thing and our temple for life. It is up to us to love it and look after it. It will go through everything with us and go everywhere.
I wished I learned to love my body more and was happy with it. But the reflection in the mirror or pictures is never to my satisfaction and until it is I will forever be working on changing it.

Day 25: Complete ✔️

Not Quite Made Girl
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Day 23: Talk about your hobbies and why you like them

I’m a day late with this post but I am almost up to date. Woop!

I would love to reel off a whole list but I really don’t have that many hobbies. I did as a child. I used to be a right little busy bee 🐝 I used to go to multiple dance classes a week including: Ballet, Tap, Modern and Irish Dancing. I also used to go Horse Riding. I would often go Ice Skating. And even got the chance to do kayaking and sailing as part of extra curricular activities at school. I also had a big interest in reading and have been a book worm from the moment I could read.

Now, my hobbies aren’t too numerous. I do the odd bit of Horse Riding here and there when I can but I haven’t been able to find a new yard to go to so it’s been a while. But it is still a big hobby of mine. I also still have a keen interest in Dance. However, I haven’t been able to find many adult classes around where I live so that hobby has been dormant for the last 10 years or so.
I now count exercise as my hobby. Well I did, before I got my bad spells of depression and anxiety. I used to love going every day. Going to the gym suite, doing group classes including: Spinning, Zumba and Body Combat. I would go for the odd swim when I could as well. But as my panic attacks increased and my energy levels flopped, so did my love for exercise. I am slowly getting back into it and trying to force myself to do more but I find it so hard to have the motivation to get up and do it. I used to do a 25 min HIIT session every day at home and loved it. I can’t even get out of bed to do a 15 min session anymore. I will get this hobby and love back, but it might be a while.
I am still a book worm. I love sitting in a library, in my bedroom or in the living room with my music plugged in and just relaxing and getting lost in a book. Again, this hasn’t been happening as much as of late because I have very little attention to be able to sit there for a good amount of time to get lost in a book. My mind is always racing 100mph and I just can’t switch it off to get lost in words.

So yeah, I am pretty dull 😴💤 I have no hobbies, no interests, nothing exciting about me. I am boring and do the same thing day in and day out. But this won’t be forever. I will soon get back into having hobbies and hopefully they will help me battle my anxiety and depression in the future.

Day 23: Complete ✔️

Not Quite Made Girl
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Day 22: Who would you invite to your “last supper”?

So I am a couple days late with this post but I’m here. I’m catching up, I promise. I will complete this 30 day challenge! Especially as I have created a whole category for it.

So, my last supper. Sheesh. I have no idea. I have never really thought about it. I suppose most people have some idea. Some want celebrities. Some would want religious figures. Some just their family and friends. Tbh, the people I would like at my last supper, would be my Best Friend BeeBee, her fiancé Ni, and F. We have had meals together, and I have loved them. Conversation just flows. I feel at my most at ease. I feel comfortable around them and I know they will fill the evening with good laughs, memories, smiles and tears of joy. And what better way than to spend a last supper than with your Best Friends?

Day 22: Complete ✔️

Not Quite Made Girl
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Day 21: Your greatest accomplishment

My Greatest Accomplishment. This is a tough one. For those around me, they know that I find it very hard to accept when I have done well and that I am very reluctant to praise myself and acknowledge when I have accomplished something great, no matter how small it is.

I suppose for me, my biggest accomplishment so far, in my twenty odd years of living, has to be getting through University and actually graduating with a 2:1 and then going on to do a Postgraduate Certificate. Yes, a lot of people go to University these days and a degree maybe isn’t valued as much as it used to be because more and more people can obtain it, but to me this is an accomplishment, especially in getting a degree in a foreign language. Not only are you learning a subject to a high degree but you are also doing that in a language which is not your mother tongue. For me this is an achievement and maybe I should be more proud of myself for doing it and graduating on a good grade with it.
I have always hated education and struggled. I have never been able to sit down for long periods of time and focus on one thing. I can’t sit and learn for  hours especially if it is something that I am not interested in. I never used to get on with teachers and would always be the silent one sat at the back of the class trying to not get asked to answer a question. I never thought I would go to University. I was reluctant to do A Levels and stay on for Sixth Form. But I did and I did go to University. I stuck out four years there. I even managed a whole year abroad teaching in three different schools in France.

Writing it down, I do realise that this is an achievement and I should be proud of myself. Pat myself on my back more often for doing it and doing it well. It is a big feat for me and I did it. So there, my greatest accomplishment. May not be out of this world but to me it is something I am learning to be proud of.

Day 21: Complete ✔️

Not Quite Made Girl
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Day 20: What would your superpower be and why?

For those of you who follow my blog you would have seen that I have previously done a blog on Superpowers and what superpower I would love to have. Going to cheat again and just paste the link here if you want to give it a read.

Superpower – to be able to read people’s minds and what they really think about certain things.

Day 20: Complete ✔️

Not Quite Made Girl
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Day 19: Five of your strengths and five weaknesses

Eesh. I am not good at this. Over the years every time at University and sixth form when you would practice for job interviews, this question would always come up. I never knew how to answer it. I can think of several weaknesses but as it was practice for an interview you were always meant to turn that negative into a positive and I was terrible at that. Even when you were asked what your strengths were I could always only come out with one thing: organisation. That is still the one and only thing that I feel is my true strength. But I will give it a go just for B’s 30 day challenge. I will try and think of 5 each.

5 Strengths

  1. Organised – I have been organised for as long as I can remember. I love stationary and files and will buy as much of these as I need to ensure that I am organised. I have always had a planner so I can write down everything that I have planned or have done, so I know where I was or will be if I am ever asked. I keep my bills, my important letters and appointments all in a file, alphabetically and date ordered.
    I also have several memory boxes which are organised into categories. My wardrobe is also organised into sections: Hoodies, bodysuits/leotards, crop tops, summer/spring tops, t-shirts, band t-shirts, 3/4 sleeve tops, long sleeved tops, woolly cropped jumpers, woolly jumpers, and my sports and work tops. That’s just the bottom row.
    The top row is long ballgown dresses, work dresses, Going out Dresses then come next in the order of: strapless dresses, short sleeved dresses, 3/4 sleeve dresses, long sleeved dresses. Then come the summer/spring/everyday dresses in the same order. After that comes the skirts: Mini skirts, midi skirts and skorts. Then shorts, Jeans, smart trousers and summer trousers. Then a couple of blazers and my dressing up fairy wings (because you never know when you might need them!) So yeah that’s just a preview of how organised I like to be. I shan’t bore you anymore.
  2. Caring. This can be both a strength and weakness so I have included it in both. I care about those around me. I will always ensure I am there for them. No matter what is going on with me, I will bend over backwards for those I care about.
  3. Good listener. Got a problem? Come tell me! I can sit and listen and won’t interrupt you one iota. I won’t offer advice if that is not what you want. But I will try my best to help if that’s needed. I don’t pretend to listen. No matter the problem, I will always listen, no matter how big or small. I am not that chatty, and that’s worked well in the way that I will always have an ear available for anyone to rant or moan or cry.
  4. Creative to an extent. I like to think that I can create arty things. I did a really cool hamper for my friend’s engagement and made a few things for that including a picture frame and a candle. For Valentine’s Day I made the sweet box for F and I have created sweet letters for him before. I can’t draw or paint but I can do arts and crafts in the form of candle making, making gifts etc.
  5. Thoughtful. I really always consider other’s thoughts before my own. I will always try and put myself in other people’s shoes before I judge them or jump to conclusions.
    Also, when it comes to giving gifts at Birthdays and Christmas I think about what they would like. What their likes and dislikes are and play to them.

5 Weaknesses

  1. Caring. So as I said before, a weakness and a strength. I care too much at times. I put too much worry and thought into those around me that I sometimes forget to look after myself. To care for myself.
  2. Shy. This is awful when I go out socialising. If I don’t know the majority of people, I will be awkward and silent and panicking about conversation topics. Unless I have a drink or two before hand I won’t be that chatty or confident and very, very awkward.
  3. Anxiety and Depression. This is self explanatory really. This is a weakness to me. It has got in the way of me achieving and progressing through life. I have lost friendships due to it. Caused a rift between me and my parents. Caused problems between me and F. And caused me to fall behind in life. I am so far back compared to where I want to be. Its held me back.
  4. Attempt to please everyone. I try too hard to please those around me. This is similar to caring too much. But with this, I worry too much about what they think of me and I try my best to please them. Make them happy. Or proud. I often consider their needs and happiness far more superior to mine and so will always put them first.
  5. Confrontation. I don’t bode well with confrontation. This has caused people to walk all over me in the past. Because I am too timid to stick up for myself in an argument or disagreement, I usually end up being the one blamed. The one upset. The one hurt because I won’t stick up for myself. Even if I disagree with what they’re accusing me of, I won’t confront them. I will just agree with them. Let them have the last word.

Day 19: Complete ✔️

Not Quite Made Girl
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