It has been a while since I last wrote on here and I do apologise for my absence, not that my writing is of any interest.

I’ve had a lot happen in the past couple of weeks and I’ve not known quite how to handle it all. I’ve been very high then very low. There hasn’t been a balance and it is throwing me off.


So I’ve had two face to face session and got my third on Monday. My first session was not at all to my liking. I found it very difficult to agree with what was being said and the techniques that I was being taught. I did do a blog post on my first session. I did take on board the advice and kept a worry diary between the two weeks of my appointments.

I understood how the diary could help. How me deciphering if my worries were hypothetical or practical would help me control some of the extent of my worrying. I understood and so wanted this method to work. I gave it a go. My best shot. I kept it for the first week roughly. I wrote down my general worries throughout the day. I knew what these were so they weren’t a surprise. I knew majority of them were hypothetical and there was nothing I could do but it didn’t help me or the worrying. I just had them written down instead of in my head.

My second face to face session. I broke down. I had had a bad couple of weeks between appointments. My tablets were changed and before that I just felt generally low. I told my therapist about the past weeks. What had been bothering me. What I had felt. What had happened. All I was told was that my next appointment would be in a week and I’d be taught techniques to deal with the lows. And apart from a quick run over of my worry diary and some brief explanation of a new worry technique of only allowing myself to worry for half an hour at about 7pm that was the end of the session.  Continue reading “M.I.A”



It was my turn at last. I had reached the top of the waiting list to receive my first therapy session. The letter came in the post informing me of when my appointment was and that it would take place on the phone. The phone? How can a therapy session work on the phone? I didn’t care how the logistics worked, all I cared about was that it was finally my name being called and it was me who could finally talk to someone and maybe get a hand of this situation.

The 1st of March. A new month. A new chance. And what better way to start a new month than with my first therapy session. Even if it was on a telephone.

I chose an early appointment so it would force me to get up and try and do something with my day afterwards. I was apprehensive before my phone call. I didn’t think that I would be totally honest with how I felt or what I was going through because it is easier to hide it when you are on a phone. I did worry that I would cry and become so incoherent on the phone that it would be pointless. Continue reading “Therapy”


Yesterday, I took another step in my journey. I had my assessment telephone call with IAPT.

So after a bit of reading on just what IAPT is, it stands for Improving Access to Psychological Therapies. It deals with those who primarily feel stressed, anxious, low in mood or depressed, and then provide talking therapies for them.

Before my phone call I had to do a self-referral. This consisted of me filling in multiple forms. That’s all I seemed to have done this past week, answer questions about my  thoughts and how I’ve felt and circle a number between 0-3 depending on how often I have felt that way in the past two weeks.

There were 7 sections including; the PHQ-9, GAd-7, Risk assessment and Work and Social Adjustment. When I first filled in the PHQ-9 at the Doctors I had a score of 21 out of 27, it only went up one when I filled it in for the IAPT. The statements of the problems on the PHQ-9 are pretty bog standard I suppose when talking about mental health. There’s questions asking how often you feel down, depressed or hopeless, feeling tired, feel that you’re a failure and thoughts that you would be better off dead or hurting yourself.
I won’t say how I scored on these, but I will say that none of the statements given received a 0 for not at all and only one scored 1 for feeling it several days. The others ranged from more than half the days and nearly every day. The thing with these statements is that they’re just words on paper. They don’t truly convey just how much these thoughts barricade in your mind. They don’t show the real effect that these thoughts have.
I suppose they use this method of judging mental health to record the severity of depression and because it can be taken multiple times, it can also record the response of the patient to any treatment that they do receive once they have been diagnosed.

Continue reading “Assessment”

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