Eureka! 💡

It’s been a while. I do apologise. Life has been happening as of late. And in a good way. Hallelujah!
In the words of the band Paramore:

Things are looking up
Oh, finally
I thought I’d never see the day

They really are looking up and for the first time in a long time, I feel generally content with my life and everything that I have. It has taken me a while to reach this point of realisation but I am so glad I finally have.

So many aspects of my life are going right. Things have fallen into place on the job front and with regards to my relationship with F, I feel we are both finally on the same page of understanding and happier and stronger than we’ve ever been. I don’t want to brag or rub it in everyone’s face, because that’s not the point of this blog. The reason I want to talk about the highs and happiness that I am experiencing at the moment is because I want to show that no matter how low you get or how much of a dark, lonely place you find yourself in, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can’t see it at that point of time.

Only a few weeks ago, was I at my lowest, not wanting to continue with life anymore. Believing that me and F were doomed for. That I would never get a job. That I would be stuck at home forever. That I would have to sit at home and look at the same four walls all day, day in, day out. I felt so distant from my friends, my family and F. Continue reading “Eureka! 💡”

M.I.A

It has been a while since I last wrote on here and I do apologise for my absence, not that my writing is of any interest.

I’ve had a lot happen in the past couple of weeks and I’ve not known quite how to handle it all. I’ve been very high then very low. There hasn’t been a balance and it is throwing me off.

Therapy:

So I’ve had two face to face session and got my third on Monday. My first session was not at all to my liking. I found it very difficult to agree with what was being said and the techniques that I was being taught. I did do a blog post on my first session. I did take on board the advice and kept a worry diary between the two weeks of my appointments.

I understood how the diary could help. How me deciphering if my worries were hypothetical or practical would help me control some of the extent of my worrying. I understood and so wanted this method to work. I gave it a go. My best shot. I kept it for the first week roughly. I wrote down my general worries throughout the day. I knew what these were so they weren’t a surprise. I knew majority of them were hypothetical and there was nothing I could do but it didn’t help me or the worrying. I just had them written down instead of in my head.

My second face to face session. I broke down. I had had a bad couple of weeks between appointments. My tablets were changed and before that I just felt generally low. I told my therapist about the past weeks. What had been bothering me. What I had felt. What had happened. All I was told was that my next appointment would be in a week and I’d be taught techniques to deal with the lows. And apart from a quick run over of my worry diary and some brief explanation of a new worry technique of only allowing myself to worry for half an hour at about 7pm that was the end of the session.  Continue reading “M.I.A”

Day 7: If you could have any job in the world, what would it be and why?

Urmm. Not sure how to tackle today’s writing challenge.

We all as kids have the belief that we know full well what we want to work as when we grow up. We think it will happen. That we won’t change our minds or that other things in life might take over. We don’t realise at this young age all the opportunities and variety of jobs available to us.

As a child you are taught the well known jobs. Taught to aspire to be one of them. A lawyer. A vet. A doctor. A teacher. A banker. A fireman. An actor. A singer. But we’re not taught about all the opportunities in wider fields such as engineering, marketing, advertising, art. 

As a child I was desperate to be a vet or a teacher. I used to sit in my room with a register full of names and tick of the teddies who were present in front of me. I used to collect stationary and stickers to pretend to give to my toys. I was adamant up until a few years ago that I wanted to be a teacher.  A teacher in languages. However, after a year abroad working as a teacher, I soon reached the realisation that I wasn’t cut out to teach. I didn’t enjoy it all. So that was teacher struck off my list of jobs I wanted to have.

Continue reading “Day 7: If you could have any job in the world, what would it be and why?”